Okay, so today was the first day of AJC orientation.
And OG 31 WON FOR TODAY! (Y)
But only the games were fun la, the 1st mass dance was a complete disaster. There were so many people and the dance committee was like - okay, right, left,left, right, then kick, jump jump jump -
it was extremely confusing. Standing at the back and being blocked by so many tall people wasn't very helpful either.
Aiyah, but anyway, there were also a lot of people who stood there awkwardly. Oh well.
The second mass dance was very much easier.
The games were quite fun, it was mostly games that required teamwork.
No vigorous throwing of balls, thank goodness.
The cheers session was not as fun as expected, but it only lasted for awhile.

So... I don't know if I should say this, but I really hate myself for being so competitive.
There's this girl who is also in ****** who was from *** sec sch, and was the ** there. Same position. I think she *** in?
And I've been thinking that she will most probably be the ** of ******, given her erm...Idk, just got the feeling.
And I just feel really dispirited.
Idk why.
I know it's wayyyyyyy too early to say this, but well... I really hate myself for being so competitive.
I need to stop yearning for so many things, *** haven't even started for me, and I'm worrying about all these stupid useless things.
Breathe!

I am so happy, thankful, relieved.
I didn't think I would go up to stage to receive my O level results.
When the PowerPoint slide showed the 4E results, I didn't think I would make it into the 51 crowd of people.
I was playing with my pen, holding shijia's hand and as the slides went on, and the number of people to receive their complimentary letter on stage dwindled, I was convinced that I would receive a score of 13 to 16.
And in that moment of anxiety, dread and anticipation,I saw my name on that big glorious screen.
Oh my god, I will never be able to forget that moment of deep joy.
I was so happy I almost cried, I couldn't believe it.
I am so thankful. So happy. So relieved.

I could see many people who were not called, sitting there and crying.
I'm sure I would cry too if I wasn't called. Though it wasn't like I was expecting myself to be called up on stage.
But I guess many people who were not called up on stage also received fabulous results like maybe 5 distinctions and a 9 pointer?
It's kind of possible actually.
Anyway, whatever it is, good or not to expectation result, I hope you all get into the course or tertiary institution of your choice! :D

Omg the more I think of it the more nervous I am.
I get even more depressed when I see people getting fabulous results.
I know, I'm suppose to be happy for them right. But the thing is, I know I will never be one of them. )))):::::
I think I'm going to get 13 - 16.
But there are alot of people like Jean, Yanteik and others thinking I'm going to get fantastic results like 8/9.
BUT I KNOW IM NOT! I'M NOT BEING HUMBLE OR LIKE DIGGING DEEPER INTO THE BLACK HOLE OF LOW SELF ESTEEM.
Its just that I can, well, just feel it la.
The amount of effort I put was well, around 13 to 16, I guess.
I'm never going up to the stage, I'm never getting into a good JC, I'm just going to take my results and run back home and cry.
Now I have a super strong feeling that I'm going to get B3 for pure geog. wtf%^$%6876110.
I think I'm going to rant to Junwei and Yitian when I meet them later. ):
I can just imagine the torturous day where I have to sit in the hall waiting and waiting, hoping for something that I know will never EVER HAPPEN!
I can just imagine how bad it feels when your friends sitting around you get called up to stage and then they come back with beaming smiles and reluctantly allow you to take a quick peep at their scores.
Then you'll (I mean I'll) go like,"walao."
And then they will say it in the most humble voice they can achieve,"It's nothing la, you'll confirm go up to stage. Maybe you got a 7/8, that's why it's taking so long. They always save the best for the last right?"
NO.

You say, maybe I shouldn't be thinking so much. But I think I described the scenario perfectly!

I am the chairperson of the last-minute-study-then-later-confirm-guilty-esp-for-O-level association.
Hi, want to join?
Membership fee?
Free.
Repercussions?
Expansive (egs. guilt, sorrow, regret, whining, disappointment, etc)